Friday, August 13, 2004

Another Horrifying Review

I suppose I'm starting to make this a regular thing, but how can I not when I run into reviews this bad on Amazon. I don't have anything against the review per se, but I can't think of a human being who would be less enjoyable to meet...this coming from an arrogant prick like myself. No, seriously.

What is so great about Gatsby?, July 29, 2004

Reviewer: 10th grade honors student (Plano) - See all my reviews

As a certified genious I was elected representative of my 10th grade honors English class to comment on this book, I being ever so qualified. At this point, I shall briefly switch over to Latin to demonstrate how smart I am. Hic liber legendo multae ponderosae rei fert. Primo de vita elegantissimus liber est. Et si quis dilegenter leget, augebit diginitatem vitae. Having demonstrated my qualifications, let me continue. The Great Gatsby is a book by Fitzgerald who wrote a lot of books and stuff, some of which have been turned into movies, some of which include Robert Redford whom all the girls in my class think is really good looking, but, frankly, I don't see it. Anyway, this Western yabo moves from out west as a neaveau riche (excuse the French) and doesn't understand how stuff is done in Eggton, NY. See, he lives on one egg, the one for his kind, and the establishment who wants to keep him down lives on the opposite egg, symoblized by a light, which many consider green although I doubt we should take it literally. Green could stand for any "cool" color, couldn't it? Yes it could. Well he falls in love with a "femme fatale", and bizarre and often tedious mishaps, comical in a darkly humorous way pop up and, wouldn't you know, he goes to England where the Earl of Essex gives him the moniker "great", which neatly wraps up the book as he avenges his insult by overthrowing the capitalist swine who kept egging him on (pardon the pun). But, as Goethe once said, "Ich hasen gern essen obwohl eier am besten sind" Anyway, untill next time:

--An honors student from Plano
Either this whole review is a joke, or this kid's in for a lot of disappointment in life. I can gaurantee it's one or the other.


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